The past few days had not been constructive. While people have already started on their revisions and planned their future three or five years plan, I was rotting at home and simply, wasting my life. I really have no motivation to study right now.
Let's not go into the usual boring stuff again. It wastes my own time whining about how much I hate about school, but that's life.
Slowly, the exams are creeping in. Every day, I fret and yet do nothing. Nothing has been going well for me. I want to improve, to better my own results. After last term's disappointment, I really wish to improve. But wishing won't help. Wishing isn't the drive, the motivation. I think I'm just flirting with the possibility of failing any of my subjects.
My mind is vacuous, a blank. I think I better go sleep first. Its E-Learning Day though.

The past few days had been a whirl.

April 12. NPAP had finally concluded with a bang. The parade ended at around 7pm if I'm not wrong. Luckily, I was in the parade, which managed to lift my spirits up After the parade had ended, everyone congratulated each other. As if it was one of the best achievement ever. In fact, to me, at least it was. To go through at least 10 trainings together, I have made friends over there, and a chance to look at other units, look at the world outside the unit, as area events are scarce. Everyone had their own kodak moment in their first u. Group pictures were taken with smiles on everyone's faces.

If anyone was sad, they did their best not to dampen the mood.

Sunday. I fell sick on this day, maybe because I drank too little water the past few days and fatigue sets in. I had a running nose, sore throat and cough. So uninterested to go to school. Guess its the monday blues, or rather, unwillingness to go there and waste time -.-

Monday. The first day of the supposed five day work week. The worst day of every week. With napha test tomorrow, my wrist still hurts and I have a strong feeling I will fail standing board jump and shuttle run. Sigh, guess that's the cruelty to those who aren't that athletic. SS sucks totally. I'm having doubts for the reason for implementing it. Its basically, bah I would rather not comment about it. Maybe its the ________ instead. You fill the blanks yourself and that's your own problem now so don't bug me about it.

No pictures for NPAP lol. If I don't look so stupid in photos and I had a better camera phone, maybe things won't turn out to be like that lol

wrist.

I apologize for my previous post, as I was typing it amidst my fits of anger.
Tomorrow's the day that is going to disassociate me from the whole thing. Let's just take it that I hope it ends fast, even though there are people who could not bear to part with it. I had enjoyed some moments of it, and it will be remembered.
My wrist still hurts, and I can't carry heavy objects with my right hand. Sometimes, my typing has to be done with my left hand only. My rifle arm is gone, so is the purpose of tomorrow. I'm trying not to brood on it but I am just bitter over it.
I was supposed to meet the Chinese physician today again as my wrist is still busted. Tomorrow is a another non-existent Saturday so I can forget about tomorrow. If my wrist still hurts, maybe I would make a visit again on Sunday. Oh wait, what if I had not injured my wrist? Pfft, if only.

First of all, is it really worth it to shoot the damned ball with all your force? No, wait.

Maybe its just half of your force. You're too powerful. You're too fast. You're too good. I'm out of your league. Fine, since you think you're so good, then so be it. However, its just only a 3-a-side mini soccer game. And the goal is so fucking small. To think that you need to shoot so hard to intimidate people in order not to deny you that fucking goal? That's pathetic. Plain pathetic. Never mind if you had to resort to such brutal force (to me). If the fucking ball had not touch me, I wouldn't have typed this rant. But unfortunately, it did. And it fucking hit my wrist. And it hurts like fuck right now. I guess that's the end of the road of npap. So much for working so hard to be a turnout guard. Now my wrist is so weak that I even find it hard to play my guitar, let alone to hold a rifle. That jeopardies my napha too. That's basically gg and probably a thank you as I don't intend to go for training because of the sorry state I am in.

Secondly, what are friends for? This really set me thinking. Is the word 'friend' there to make up the numbers in the dictionary? Are friends there to make you feel happy, help you when in need and feel not alone? Or are friends there to take you as a joke? Are friends there to build their happiness and laughter on top of your pain? After what has happened today, this really made me think. I have my own definite answer for this, however, it didn't apply in today's case.

Guess I was with the wrong company all the time. After three years of being in this school, is it the people that make me bored or the school? If you see someone lying there, you would still take it as a joke and laugh at him and try to make fun of him? I finally had that taste of getting bullied in order to let my supposed friends laugh their fucking heads off. And I think heyuan was stupid not to voice out. Too trusting of his friends? Maybe. I'm really starting to have second thoughts of the "friends" I have/had. A bunch of fuckers. Hypocritical fuckers.

Forgive and forget? I think its some stupid thing that people say to make them look magnanimous. Its too late already so there is no fucking need to apologize. Oh, wait. You don't intend to do so right? My wishful thinking. The fucking damage is done, and how the fuck are you supposed to expect it to be the way it was last time?

This post has been edited to a shorter version. Some things are better left unsaid.

joy marred by disappointment.

Saturday was a joyous day, but not really.

Campcraft competition results are finally announced. Team 2 managed to qualify for the finals, which is quite of an achievement. First time gonna take part in a national competition.

Nevertheless, we reached our initial target of top10 nationals. Even though, happy, we must not let complacency take over our head. We shall train even more harder, to try our best in the finals. It was something worthy of celebration but we'll do it later after the finals :)

Haven't been updating because I'm swamped with work everyday, although I do not do some. With the finals approaching, its gonna be a hectic schedule. NPAP also reaching the actual parade, training is going full swing with a full saturday at the secluded HTA.

Actually, I feel disappointed because of something. Maybe you don't know and you won't know. Only two people know about this. I feel so empty all of a sudden. I knew it was a mistake right from the moment I did what I shouldn't do. Regrets fill my heart. Everything went wrong, and I did not expected it at first. Maybe I was rash, stupid and reckless. But its too late already.

Maybe I should clarify things, but I doubt it would work anymore. Its too late. A bunch of unsaid words, keeping it with me forever.

I just can't move on with the life I am supposed to live.