神遊

disjointed thoughts

To take the leap or not?



Criamos nosso próprio mundo.
Nós contra eles.



“My dreams are a cruel joke. They taunt me. Even in my dreams, I’m an idiot who knows he’s about to wake up to reality. If I could only avoid sleep. But I can’t. I try to tell myself what to dream. I try to dream that I am flying. Something free. It never works…”

open your eyes.


 ***
 I know I'm supposed to go back to sleep :/

trapped in a fucking shit hole

and I can't seem to find my way out of it.

How many more times before I finally learn?

If karmic points can be used, I hope I have accumulated enough for five miracles to happen.

fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK.

implodes with consistency

setting two plates on the table for two, with two sets of cutlery
cooking a hearty breakfast for two
making the bed for two
waiting for you before locking the door as we start our days
brewing coffee while awaiting for your return
saying goodnight aloud before switching off the lights

He has been practising the life of two with himself. He is waiting for something, for someone to come and relieve him of this tiresome, cumbersome way of living. Every day is lacking. Is he lacking something? I wonder how many individuals are out there, existing in the same situation as me. 

Loneliness follows him around like a shadow, as if it is his own heel. Unable to shake it off, but he does not want to embrace it. Morbidly frustrating. Somehow indifferent to all the couples he sees, yet he continues to practise living together with himself. Why am I waiting at all?


come back come back but you're not coming back anymore
don't go don't go but you're not coming back anymore
and you left a void of meaning in my life in my heart
and i'm just bleeding and dying, bit by bit
you're already gone.
i'm already broken
already know someone else is there in my place
already accepted the fact that you're with someone else
already carrying on living with myself
i still haven't moved on.

The scars can be hidden by clothing, but nothing can ever wash them away. They are ugly reminders that the past is real. I'm keeping those scars.


$#$!@!#&^^!#%E!#
the rabbit asks the toad why he is so miserable, being jealous of its cousin, the frog.
the toad couldn't answer why. maybe because he is ugly and disgusting due to the warts on his skin. maybe because the frog doesn't seem to care at all but always get mentioned in some fairytale, labelled as the frog prince and inevitably turning into prince charmingly handsome. but the toad cares, but no one cares about the toad. then again, who really cares about your opinions if you're ugly?

inadequate

living without a will.

in a mess

in tatters
these wounds and cuts and bruises and gashes bleed nonstop
falling through the doors of the emergency room
will someone help me with these wounds?

I don't know how much more I can lose,
and I'm dying and dying and dying.

some sort of coupling

that I can't run away from,
that makes me don't want to run away from,
and I don't intend to.

Oh these times are hard,

they're making us crazy,
don't give up on me ~

deadweight;

does insecurity stem from trust issues
or
trust issues stem from insecurity?




after two years I still can't believe the grudge still exists.
come on. live and let live.

the inexplicable feeling when you just feel someone else is not doing enough to fix that state of chaos. like a Julia set looping around and around, setting up the boundaries which trap yourself in it.

waiting for things to change.

the glorious excess

?

white;

When your chips are down, and your drinks are all gone
I'll still be here, wishing and waiting for you to come on
Kaleidoscope eyes, sparkle at the world
My emerald city, downtown girl
In the sickness of you, I'm just a white blood cell
Fighting like hell for you.
-Kaleidoscope Eyes, Panic! at the Disco.