Monday, January 31, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
put a little spin on that swing
Do you remember back when we met
you told me this gets harder
Well it did
Been holding on forever
If you want I'll keep on crying. (Are you there at all?)
Did you get what you deserve? (Do you care at all?)
Is this what you always want me for? (Are you there at all?)
Way down.
***
I'm not particularly angry maybe just a little pissed and disappointed and frustrated and tired and it particularly induced some anger in me which is so rampant and raw and this kind of feeling is definitely no good. I'm trying damn hard to resist this feeling and sometimes the negativity triumphs the hopeless positivity and resistance becomes wasted energy and time and effort and brainpower and in the end it turns into something so abstract that I can't grasp it and throw it away but it comes to visit me every once in a while. But I guess sometimes you just have to let your inner demons out for awhile and hopefully they will go away or become less vicious if not stuff will get pretty ugly as I am trying damn hard to keep my rational thought in check and sometimes I think I am going to lose it and things will really get ugly but that's just how life works. It would be better if there's a listener out there but it is not much of a help since the people who really matter are not there and there will be a thousand people out there misunderstanding you, not giving a fuck out of you and the bottom line is, we don't have to talk if you're being fucking reticent.
thankyouforthevenom.
you told me this gets harder
Well it did
Been holding on forever
If you want I'll keep on crying. (Are you there at all?)
Did you get what you deserve? (Do you care at all?)
Is this what you always want me for? (Are you there at all?)
Way down.
***
I'm not particularly angry maybe just a little pissed and disappointed and frustrated and tired and it particularly induced some anger in me which is so rampant and raw and this kind of feeling is definitely no good. I'm trying damn hard to resist this feeling and sometimes the negativity triumphs the hopeless positivity and resistance becomes wasted energy and time and effort and brainpower and in the end it turns into something so abstract that I can't grasp it and throw it away but it comes to visit me every once in a while. But I guess sometimes you just have to let your inner demons out for awhile and hopefully they will go away or become less vicious if not stuff will get pretty ugly as I am trying damn hard to keep my rational thought in check and sometimes I think I am going to lose it and things will really get ugly but that's just how life works. It would be better if there's a listener out there but it is not much of a help since the people who really matter are not there and there will be a thousand people out there misunderstanding you, not giving a fuck out of you and the bottom line is, we don't have to talk if you're being fucking reticent.
thankyouforthevenom.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
You don't need a babelfish to understand this.
Even the simplest of things can be so enjoyable.
happy happy happy!
happy happy happy!
Friday, January 14, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
mired in discouragia.
If you can't, who else ever will?
I don't know, need to filter out all the fucking noise.
Hang on, and gather the scattered puzzle pieces
to piece the beautiful picture I want.
Thank you, my first buddy since the first day of secondary school.
I don't know, need to filter out all the fucking noise.
Hang on, and gather the scattered puzzle pieces
to piece the beautiful picture I want.
Thank you, my first buddy since the first day of secondary school.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
To 11/1/11,
hold up your glasses,
Today wasn't a pretty bad day.
It was raining fucking heavy, but somehow I had the best shower since eons ago. Walking in the rain, albeit alone and feeling kinda empty, but it was a pretty good feeling. As if the rain is washing away all the fucking dust you accumulated since I don't know when and wash away your mistakes and wash away your burden. Strolling still even though I was drenched and pedestrians looking at me as if I'm crazy.
Maybe I am.
***
I don't do new year resolutions anymore. All the cheap talk and 'i-will's and stuff never came true, because I couldn't care less.
I guess, the only thing I want for every year, would be the same,
to be a better person to all the people who matter.
Today wasn't a pretty bad day.
It was raining fucking heavy, but somehow I had the best shower since eons ago. Walking in the rain, albeit alone and feeling kinda empty, but it was a pretty good feeling. As if the rain is washing away all the fucking dust you accumulated since I don't know when and wash away your mistakes and wash away your burden. Strolling still even though I was drenched and pedestrians looking at me as if I'm crazy.
Maybe I am.
***
I don't do new year resolutions anymore. All the cheap talk and 'i-will's and stuff never came true, because I couldn't care less.
I guess, the only thing I want for every year, would be the same,
to be a better person to all the people who matter.
Sunday, January 09, 2011
//bloody gum stop bleeding
I'm done for.
What a fucking shit mess created.
I miss old My Chem, but it doesn't mean I don't like their recent stuff. They're all great, just that the old stuff seemed more raw, albeit all the long song titles. The fascinating thing that I like about My Chem is that somehow I could connect to whatever they're singing. Like some healthy way of releasing emotions, not lather the penknife with your own blood or smoke or something else gruesome.
I'm somehow forcing myself into a dilemma that only has one possible conclusion. And this isn't healthy at all.
***
On another note, this year is gonna be a good year.
What a fucking shit mess created.
I miss old My Chem, but it doesn't mean I don't like their recent stuff. They're all great, just that the old stuff seemed more raw, albeit all the long song titles. The fascinating thing that I like about My Chem is that somehow I could connect to whatever they're singing. Like some healthy way of releasing emotions, not lather the penknife with your own blood or smoke or something else gruesome.
I'm somehow forcing myself into a dilemma that only has one possible conclusion. And this isn't healthy at all.
***
On another note, this year is gonna be a good year.
Saturday, January 08, 2011
COFFEE COFFEE!!!
I know I want one!
Who cares if they stain my teeth?
***
It is so easy to give up.
I think I'm going to.
Thursday, January 06, 2011
Today isn't a beautiful day//
Is it?
I don't know about yesterday because I try to put stuff behind me and not look back too much lest I regret even more and it just makes living a chore.
I don't know about tomorrow because it will arrive eventually and hit me hard with the reality and I don't wanna think of how to spend tomorrow when I'm not even done with today for reasons unknown. Maybe I know why, but you don't.
***
I'm strangely reminded that I'm oddly attracted to the details. I have no idea how to explain this in words, but I appreciate the little intricate stuff that happens/exists. It gives me a glimmer of hope, it shines a shimmering ray of light into my life. And when they don't happen/appear/people overlook the details, it makes me tired and sick and frustrated. And you know what, I don't feel obligated to tell you about it at all.
And an observation. If only some emotions are contagious. I realised I... No, I'm not going to spell it out. Just gonna keep it to myself because it is abstract and amorphous and random and I am the only person in my life I understand the most and I'm sure that writing it down here wouldn't help matters. At all.
So long. I'm out.
I don't know about yesterday because I try to put stuff behind me and not look back too much lest I regret even more and it just makes living a chore.
I don't know about tomorrow because it will arrive eventually and hit me hard with the reality and I don't wanna think of how to spend tomorrow when I'm not even done with today for reasons unknown. Maybe I know why, but you don't.
***
I'm strangely reminded that I'm oddly attracted to the details. I have no idea how to explain this in words, but I appreciate the little intricate stuff that happens/exists. It gives me a glimmer of hope, it shines a shimmering ray of light into my life. And when they don't happen/appear/people overlook the details, it makes me tired and sick and frustrated. And you know what, I don't feel obligated to tell you about it at all.
And an observation. If only some emotions are contagious. I realised I... No, I'm not going to spell it out. Just gonna keep it to myself because it is abstract and amorphous and random and I am the only person in my life I understand the most and I'm sure that writing it down here wouldn't help matters. At all.
So long. I'm out.
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
SORROW, NOT YOUR USUAL CUP OF SADNESS.
He saw very clearly how all his life led only to this moment and all after led nowhere at all. He felt something cold and soulless enter him like another being and he imagined that it smiled malignly and he had no reason to believe that it would ever leave. When she came out of the bathroom again she was dressed and he made her sit on the bed and he held her hands both of them and talked to her but she only shook her head and she turned away her tearstained face and told him that it was time to go and that she could not miss the train.
All The Pretty Horses,
Cormac McCarthy.
***
He thought he knew all about it but he didn't know anything at all and he didn't know it consumes people in the dark and leaves them empty and devoid of emotions.
Sunday, January 02, 2011
I have been deeply engaged in discussion with moving stars and aliens from far, far away planets which are lightyears away from the Earth this past few days. I have visited oracles, and the advice I've got was to not repeat the mistakes they did, so that I would not end up having a life like theirs, which was good as I do not desire their kind of lifestyle.
My sources have told me that this year can only get from busy to busier.
And I would be pissed off if the rumours of 2012 are true - not that the planet is gonna experience some apocalyptic molten lava erupting from the ground and whatnot, but instead getting destroyed by Vogons who are carrying out orders to clear the way for an intergalactic expressway.
My sources have told me that this year can only get from busy to busier.
And I would be pissed off if the rumours of 2012 are true - not that the planet is gonna experience some apocalyptic molten lava erupting from the ground and whatnot, but instead getting destroyed by Vogons who are carrying out orders to clear the way for an intergalactic expressway.
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