Hunger.

His hunger for attention is insatiable.

He savours every moment that he is in the spotlight. He craves for attention, like a drug addict who requires a daily dosage to maintain his vigour and focus. Sometimes, he would question his own sanity, but it does not matter to him anyway. Any form of attention or interest from anyone would be sufficient for the day. His mind is programmed to devise attention-grabbing antics, his body runs as clockwork, doing whatever the mind dictates.

Some people find him quirky, some people find him strange and weird. He has no friends in school; he is too unpredictable. His mere purpose in school - to attract the attention of the teachers, classmates or his juniors. Irritation, laughter, resentment, criticism or sarcasm; he takes all, any kind of attention. He would make a clown out of himself, or say something illogical and out of the box during class, just to attract attention. The responses after his antics were unimportant and trivial. His strong desire for attention is the impetus for his unwanted antics. He enjoys every moment of getting jeered or cheered.

When he is alone, he twitches involuntarily and speaks to himself, his alter ego, as if he is performing a soliloquy on stage.

He knows he is deceiving himself. However, he could not stop himself from destroying his own image in front of others, albeit creating a nasty impression of himself. He knows he is deceiving the people around him. He is not what he used to be, if not for an uneventful event on an uneventful day. He knows he is deceiving the others about himself. Before his parents, he is sensible and quiet. Behind his parents, he is the joker, the clown in the circus, either getting laughed at or hated to the core. He displays an indifferent attitude towards his classmates, but deep inside him, he is weak, helpless and frail. No matter how hard he fights against the dominant urge for attention, he succumbs to the parasite that is slowly consuming himself. The strong desire for attention.

Leaning against the cold wall, he takes in a deep breath. Deep breaths are the only chances for him to find solace. It is a brief moment which allows him to be fully conscious and aware. As he exhales, the parasite takes over, with the helpless self trapped in the waiting room for the next deep breath to be inhaled.

He sets up his computer for his next attention-grabbing stage act, just like how David Blaine prepares himself for his next world record, jaw dropping endurance act. This time, it will be different from past experiences. Last time, he would post malicious remarks in online forums and spend his day reading the other messages posted by netizens in response to his remarks. He would ignore most messages, except for the humorous and hilarious few. he rejoices as he notices the amount of attention he received, albeit negative, by merely publishing one frivolous remark.

Should I shriek or scream? Should I walk out of my room and try to observe my parents' expressions? Should I just keep my silence?

He is finally online. Adjusting his webcam, he waves to the thousands of curious people who decided to watch this innocent looking boy's live video. Bidding goodbye to his logic, common sense and rationale, he is convinced to live for the moment. The moment when everyone's eyes are fixed on you, gasping, covering their eyes or frantically trying to reach you to stop your foolish act. The sensation of preoccupying everyone's mind, your actions continuously on playback in the back of their minds. The moment is priceless. The strong desire for attention had just overwhelmed him.

"Hello world, welcome to my last attention-grabbing act! I promise you will not be utterly disappointed after this!" He tried to sound ghastly while appearing calm. A penknife on his left hand, he goes for the artery on his right wrist deftly.


A shrill scream tore through the silent midnight.