its so late already, but i find it hard to sleep... so about time to jot these annoying thoughts down.
maybe going to death cab's concert alone is a good idea. no one really listens to the same kind of music i listen to. someone said 'you can't really classify music into genres' which i found to be pretty valid. in the end, people innovate and things start to overlap and the distinction starts to blur and we all try too hard to label and classify everything. as long as i enjoy their music, it really doesnt matter whether i'm alone or not. at least i am going to be in the company of strangers who enjoy their music as much as i do to the extent that they are willing to splurge their money. and probably death cab music is the kind of distraction i need from whatever sort of results i'm getting back this coming friday.
i wish things in my life would get clear so everything could be more certain. start giving replies, start giving me signs and hints please... at the very least, i could be realistic to where i stand and what i am going to achieve. but that would be me making a stupid and empty wish because i am depriving myself of little pleasant surprises that might spring right at me when i am not expecting them.or the little tragedies that suck the life out of your soul.
it will always be the same things that are bothering me, to the extent that i can't be bothered to write them down anymore.
i guess the best thing i could do is to not be a wet blanket to other people's celebration and fuck off... and quarantine myself away from them. i dont want sympathy nor pity. and of course, some peace and quiet so i could think. think of what i do not know. but things happen for a reason and that means there are causes for the happenings. whatever happens is the culmination of past actions and behaviour, no matter how resentful or sorry i become, they belong to the past, unalterable and untouchable.
que sera, sera.
