supply blocked

e-e-e-1-b-e-4-e-e-e-1-b-g-b-a-e-e-e-e-click
fuck.

***
The new year usually entails new beginnings, but I can't be any more lost at the start of a new year. This year, I have no resolution, no goals, nothing. I have no idea what I am going to accomplish this year, and I sincerely hope that I will manage to accomplish something, at the bare minimum.

Nothing is more frustrating and demoralising than watching people pursue their goals or at least doing something while you just sit and watch the airplanes fly by and time goes by and still rooted to the spot. I don't know why I lack the drive to move. For the past eighteen years, I have been living based on orders of others and rarely on my own desires. If I had listened to myself, I wouldn't have been in this position. To tell me to start listening to myself is difficult, I cannot simply transition out of this phase all of a sudden. Infrequent glimpses of listening to myself had showed me how enjoyable it would be, and I long for those moments again. For now, I just want to disappear into thin air and not think about the unthinkable future.

I need time, and I need patience. The idea of a supply block is fascinating. Supply block, means a halt in production due to a variety of reasons. They could be mismanagement, carelessness or insufficient planning. What results, is an agonising wait for production to resume and progress to be made. Time will be lost, and resources will be left idle. Right now, everything stops at the end of January. I can't wait for February to come and maybe things will start going my way... It hasn't been for a long time. The entire two years in junior college had been marred with many disappointments and regrets.

And now...

"I can see the humorous side of things and enjoy the fun when it comes; but look where I will, there seems to me always more sadness than joy in life."
Jerome K. Jerome