燕窝

to do:
write a new personal statement.

the end of yet another chapter.

graduation day, where people were happily taking photos with 10000friends they have in junior college.

ultimately, i still regret the two years that i have spent in junior college. it wasn't the best time i had. or rather i didn't make it so.

i met many people but made few friends, and by friends i define them as people that i am comfortable to be with
i was presented with many opportunities but barely took some
i knew i should have done things differently, and if i really could turn back time, i would have done things differently.
i realised the many facets of life,
the many different kinds of people that until now, i still struggle to accept their idiosyncrasies and whoever they are. it opened my eyes to such a broad spectrum that i cant find words to describe it properly.
i have become cynical, sceptical of people's intentions...
it is like i wasted my 2 years; while other people had the drive to work their socks off for something, i barely tried. and it pains me to say that i have made such a grave mistake of not even trying hard. i would have known myself better if i did.

sometimes i wonder if it is my problem or others. i try to blame myself so that i could change myself. but sometimes it doesnt work.
mr chan shared with me:

“君子怀德，小人怀土。君子怀刑，小人怀惠。”（《论语·里仁》

it totally makes sense to me now.  

if JC is going to shape my future character, i would really hate myself.

i remember i told myself to enter jc with an open mind, and adopt a complete different attitude. mere platitudes. i'm just too familiar with this bullshit... in the end i'm just filled with regret and remorse and theres nothing that i could do about it.

hopelessly,
i still wish for a change, for the better.

i do not want to remain like this, but i would welcome a change of environment
this sounds critical, but multiple conversations with weidong have at least ingrained something in me.

i was whistling 'good life' by one republic,
what an irony...
what a pity...

life is hard

你在煩惱什麼?

i still very much need you, thank you for being there for me when i crash.

a lack of colour

so what the fuck do i still want?
which direction am i heading to, what path am i treading on?

can someone just please give me a fucking answer?