the end of yet another chapter.

graduation day, where people were happily taking photos with 10000friends they have in junior college.

ultimately, i still regret the two years that i have spent in junior college. it wasn't the best time i had. or rather i didn't make it so.

i met many people but made few friends, and by friends i define them as people that i am comfortable to be with
i was presented with many opportunities but barely took some
i knew i should have done things differently, and if i really could turn back time, i would have done things differently.
i realised the many facets of life,
the many different kinds of people that until now, i still struggle to accept their idiosyncrasies and whoever they are. it opened my eyes to such a broad spectrum that i cant find words to describe it properly.
i have become cynical, sceptical of people's intentions...
it is like i wasted my 2 years; while other people had the drive to work their socks off for something, i barely tried. and it pains me to say that i have made such a grave mistake of not even trying hard. i would have known myself better if i did.

sometimes i wonder if it is my problem or others. i try to blame myself so that i could change myself. but sometimes it doesnt work.
mr chan shared with me:

“君子怀德，小人怀土。君子怀刑，小人怀惠。”（《论语·里仁》

it totally makes sense to me now.  

if JC is going to shape my future character, i would really hate myself.

i remember i told myself to enter jc with an open mind, and adopt a complete different attitude. mere platitudes. i'm just too familiar with this bullshit... in the end i'm just filled with regret and remorse and theres nothing that i could do about it.

hopelessly,
i still wish for a change, for the better.

i do not want to remain like this, but i would welcome a change of environment
this sounds critical, but multiple conversations with weidong have at least ingrained something in me.

i was whistling 'good life' by one republic,
what an irony...
what a pity...

life is hard

你在煩惱什麼?

i still very much need you, thank you for being there for me when i crash.

a lack of colour

so what the fuck do i still want?
which direction am i heading to, what path am i treading on?

can someone just please give me a fucking answer?

scraping paper to document

So Friday was a rather eventful day, to the extent that I immediately fell asleep when I got home without even changing out, but that's because I reached home at some ungodly hour.

I woke up with 8 unread messages from my lame brother as well as aching shoulders, probably due to sleeping 8 hours since a very long time. And then to school for paper 1, which was rather uneventful. Without disappointing anyone, I am once again going to fail Chemistry again and I do not want to talk about it here.

And there was pickup today, after such a long hiatus from ultimate. Rather refreshing and heartening to see that the people who you trained with for a year odd still carry the same love for the sport. I went home after that, showered and changed and went to orchard to look for gifts. My legs were aching so bad that I found it hard to walk...

And then to the airport to see Daryl off before he flies to London. I wish him good luck.

The highlight was apparently how to get home from the airport. Since me and sherwin were retards and stayed until there was no MRT service, we hitched a ride on cautious driver Lincoln's car. We got off at NEX, found a bus stop which has nightrider service, got on NR6. Unknowingly we got on at the wrong side and our 4 bucks bus ride got justified by a very long chat and a tour around Sengkang before we alighted at Orchard. There was still time so we each bought instant noodles from 7-11 before resuming the journey home. In the end we gave up and took separate cabs home. It was fun and interesting to find the way home without any normal bus service. I definitely do not mind doing it again.

The time I reached home: around 250am, the cab uncle was mysteriously chirpy and happy.

***

And I just want to go on a walk with my camera and look at this world through the lenses, from another perspective.